Browse By

CBAT

“I pretty much played this tune every single time so the amount of times she must have not been enjoying it, when I thought the complete opposite is annoying but also embarrassing in ways.” – u/TylerLife 

Last week, a Reddit post detailing how a man was encountering relationship troubles as a result of his incessant need to play a very strange song during very intimate times went viral. Countless memes were made, countless analyses were had. If you haven’t listened to the song, try giving it a listen. It really is something different.

“Begins like a Disney heartwarmer, then uses a strangled cartoon character to eek out its strangely addictive melody.” – ra.co on “CBAT”, 2011

A cat screaming into the abyss, chants into the void, no understanding of the horrors that will take place under its ghoulish cry. Two years. Two years.

“Different and joyfully straightforward approach.” – The Quietus on “CBAT”, 2011

You sit on the bed, feverishly scrolling through Spotify, picking song after song after song until your lifeless fingers descend on “CBAT”. Remember when you first heard it? Do you remember that night? In a club, high as hell, you sway and shake. A bell sounds. From the speakers, a synth lays an overture for what will surely be an epic of musical mastery. Everyone stops for a second and just listens. Chimes play in the distance, all are in a trance.

The beat drops. A squeak, then another, then another. Nobody moves at first. The DJ is having fun. Slowly, people start dancing to it. You remember how for 2 minutes and 51 seconds, your friends all let loose. It was just fun. Just fun.

So there you are, sitting on your bed, your girlfriend in the shower. You add it to your playlist.

“Bat-shit, melody-free.” – exclaim.ca on “CBAT”, 2011

At this point, nothing is left to chance anymore. Every beat a hollow push. You have done it. You have perfected CBAT. Afterwards, you turn on your Xbox. She does nothing.

There is no argument, no climatic point at which the walls of your relationship come tumbling down. All that has changed is the entirety of the past two years, the entirety of your previous relationships. You self-obsessed, squeamish little narcissist. Why is she doing this to you? Why is she taking away the one thing, the only thing you have any sense of pride in? Very rarely are people the best at something. It’s a rare thing, to be better than everyone else. She should understand that.

She doesn’t want to end things, though. So you try again, in silence. She stops you. She knows what song is echoing around your brain.

Who told her? Who informed her of your continued worship? 

CBAT is dead. She has killed him.

You should not have pleaded before a dead god. 

“I don’t think the song is that bad and I had no idea she didn’t like it until recently and as soon as I did I stopped. I didn’t force her CBAT, not all can handle CBAT, I know it’s different.” – u/TylerLife

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.