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Satire: Oppression of white males at Beloit has gone too far


Jesse Wiles/The Round Table

Trump’s presidential win is bound to inspire exciting national change. Americans across the country celebrated, believing finally that this country can truly be great again. With the dawn of a Trump presidency, perhaps we can finally get back to what’s truly American: white power.

Heartbreakingly, an enormous amount of young and, ugh, diverse, Americans have taken to the street and protested President-elect Trump’s incredible, hard-won victory. Some have the nerve and disrespect to say that he’s not their president. This treasonous motto has cropped up all over the nation, making many white Americans feel unsafe.

“I just wanted to wear my Trump hat around campus,” A local student, who wished to remain anonymous for his own safety, reported. “People kept giving me dirty looks like I was some kind of villain! One person called me a racist! I couldn’t believe it. All Trump wants to do is deport all the criminal Mexican immigrants, register Muslims, for everyone’s safety, and finally put down those hateful Black Lives Matter people. How does that make him racist?”

Tragically, this kind of story has repeated itself all over the country, with many white male students feeling afraid to express their opinions. Another white man, who also preferred to remain anonymous, once again for his own safety, shared his story. “I was just trying to express my free speech and tell a group of black kids to go back to Africa,” He wiped the tears from his eyes, struggling to continue. “But they all yelled at me to ‘stop,’ and said things like, ‘you’re scaring us,’ and ‘please put the gun down.’” The man put his head in his hands and sobbed. “Don’t they know that that’s just my culture? Can’t they let me be proud?”

Indeed the response to Trump’s victory is unsettlingly aggressive, a hateful and ungrateful lash against the white supremacy that has always made this country great and has so long been forgotten. White Americans are simply trying to reclaim their culture.

“We just want absolute control, is that so much to ask?” Another anonymous white man said. “If the media isn’t exclusively representing me at all times, if I’m not being prioritized and valued more than anyone or anything else at any given moment, I’m being oppressed. Simple as that.”

“I just want to be comfortable in my own, better skin,” An anonymous white man shook his head and sighed reverently. “If one day, I can walk down the street and make brown people get off the sidewalk as I pass, then I’ll finally feel safe in this country.”

There is good news for white men buried amongst this turmoil. Confederate flags are finally flying high again, and many are finally getting some air on those long-hidden swastika tattoos. Gay people are hiding who they are again, thank God, and women are at last turning away from poisonous feminism and accepting their subordinate, confined, and Christian purpose: to be property.

“My son came home from first grade and told me he pushed a girl into a locker, called the gay kid names until he cried, and told the all the black and Hispanic kids in his class to ‘watch out.’” The anonymous white father shook his head. “I’ve never been more proud. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I wanted to seig heil right then and there. I felt that at peace with my heritage.”

It’s a beautiful dream, but it hasn’t yet been achieved. Millions of white Americans thought that they had defended their traditional and correct cultural values from the evils of the Gays, the Ethnics, the Feminazis, and the Scientists, by keeping Hillary Clinton, verifiably the most evil and morally corrupt human being ever to attempt ascent to power, out of the White House, but there’s still more work to be done. Brown people, gays, and traitor whites continue to openly criticize Trump. In order to fully ensure white culture is protected in this country, these people are going to have to be silenced.

“It’s infringing on my right to free speech,” A white man who shall remain unnamed exclaimed with frustration when asked about the supposed ‘free press’ publishing ‘opposing viewpoints.’ “Don’t they know that my opinion is the only one that matters?”

“I’d like to go out and shoot every single one of those dangerous protestors.” The same anonymous white male remarked, stroking the barrel of his entirely legal machine gun. “Kill them all! That’ll teach them to stop fear-mongering.”

An anonymous source from Trump’s inner circle told us that the President-elect is working hard on a solution to these problems. “A final one.” He added, smiling.

“I have hope. For the first time in eight years I have hope.” A white man on the street remarked, eyes gleaning. “We have a real chance here to finally be white and proud and seize back what’s ours. Until then, I’ll just have to hide who I am.” He lifted his white hood up and over his face. “For my own safety.”

One thought on “Satire: Oppression of white males at Beloit has gone too far”

  1. Todd Elliott Koger says:

    Michigan 300,000 votes less than Obama in 2012 (75,00 Black voters accepted the boycott challenge); North Carolina 2 million votes decided to stay home; Wisconsin 230,000 fewer votes; and Pennsylvania 130,000 blacks said no this year to the Democratic Party. This is how black America (Todd Elliott Koger) helped make Donald Trump our 45th President.

    The Democrats had always thrown shade in our direction. Black Lives Matter’s founders put in writing their “rejection” of us because their stated agenda “LGBTQ” issues. In June 2016, Donald Trump was the only one willing to listen to us. We explained to Mr. Trump that we had been voting almost 50 years “straight” Democrat and our situation remained the same or worst.

    First, Mr. Trump issued an online video that addressed our plight. Next he went to Michigan and then took the message to Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Thereafter, we packaged the visual optics and shared his fight against the “status quo” with black America. And, in late August 2016, we outlined the grassroots plan that defined demographics, targeted groups, and the available tools to grow an arsenal of black Trump supporters. We had to work night and day to control the message and Mr. Trump’s “Plan for Black America” as a campaign strategy to change the conversation when Mr. Trump slumped in the polls.

    When “sh*t hit the fan” in October 2016 and everyone started to run from Mr. Trump we suggested a “writing,” a “NEW DEAL” proposal for black America to put things back on track. Donald Trump owes his victory to “predominately black Democratic strongholds of Pennsylvania” who were convinced to give Mr. Trump 31 percent more votes than the previous Republican Party presidential candidate. African Americans like Todd Elliott Koger convinced hundreds of thousands blacks in Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, and various other states to boycott the traditional “straight” Democratic Party vote in 2016.

    Mr. Trump’s “margin of victory” is realized when you combine this with an increase of “Obama white voters” in Wisconsin and Michigan voting Trump in 2016. Trump won Pennsylvania by 1.1 percentage points (68,236 votes), Wisconsin by 0.9 points (27,257 votes), and Michigan by 0.2 points (11,837 votes). If Clinton had won all three states, she would have won the Electoral College 278 to 260. She fell short in all three.

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