First Year on the Street: Web Arnold
The Round Table: What is your favorite large water-dwelling mammal and why is it the manatee?
Web Arnold: The orca. Nothing’s going to eat an orca, they just eat other things and hang out in pods. Badass animal.
RT: What is the first thing you do if you wake up one morning suddenly inhabiting the body of Guy Fieri?
WA: Go to the most rundown Waffle House I can possibly find and order a steak, maybe a chili too, and say how good it is. Get it on camera. I’d say it’s the best steak I’ve ever had, but not sarcastically.
RT: Who would win in a fight: one trillion lions or the Sun?
WA: It really depends on if it’s at day or night. If it’s during the day, the sun wins, but lions are nocturnal predators and they can jump pretty fucking far during the one hour of the day that they’re actually active. And one trillion. That’s a lot of lions.
RT: What’s your stance on the theory that the U.S. government is secretly being controlled by lizard people?
WA: Well, it’s not currently being controlled by them, but it’s about to be seeing that Hillary Clinton is about to beat Donald Trump. Although Trump is also probably a lizard person, so I think our only non-lizard option is Gary Johnson.